Thursday, August 27, 2009

On Crap Beer and the Reward For A Long Run

It's my dirty little secret, and it's time to let it out of the bag: I LOVE a crappy beer post-long-run. Watery, low alcohol, with little to no taste. In Portland, this is the criminal equivalent to ordering a plate of dog shit at a 5 star restaurant. For, as you know, the Pacific NW is host to flavor-infused, carefully crafted, meticulously concocted microbrews; some of the tastiest, hoppiest, most intriguingly named (see: Pliny the Elder, Tricerahops, and Arrogant Bastard) brews on the 3rd planet from the sun.

That's Earth, for those of you who - like myself - attended public school.

But my taste buds want none of the floral essences, or the mysterious hop combinations after I've pounded out 22+ dirty miles out on the trails. What they want is to be treated like a 15 year old sneaking out to the forest preserve with his buddies to pound can upon can of skunk-ass beer.

And so here I sit, having just finished 3 hours and 40 minutes of scuttling up and down singletrack in the woods, with a Foster's beer can beside my keyboard. And it is GLORIOUS. The taste? Hmmm...have you ever watered down a Budwieser with 70% tap water? If yes, then you're getting the idea. If not, I recommend licking the sweat off an alcoholic bum, and imagining it with less body and taste.

On a side note: I'm 4 weeks out from the 100. I feel prepped as all hell to tackle this thing, as I've indicated, although I am a bit nervous about the lack of crew/drop bag access. The race directors had to reroute the course due to some LAME "Wilderness Protection Bill" (BOO, OBAMA, YOU FASCIST, SOCIALIST, KENYA-BORN, NON-AMERICAN, TREE-HUGGER, PRIUS DRIVING FASCIST SOCIALIST...this was an attempt at irony), but wow, EIGHT aid stations will have zero access to crew and drop bags. Which kinda leaves runners hanging by our asses.

One thing is for certain: Once I've crossed the finish, the night will belong to Michelob.


Kate said...

Ewwww. Now that's just plain wrong.

Stephanie said...

You have my full support.

It's like my love of Little Debbie Nutty Bars despite my years as a baker.

Thumbs. Up.

Oh and I am totally doing my short 22 mile run this weekend.

fatozzig said...

Are they expecting you guys to be totally self-sustaining? Sounds like few someones heads are up their respective butts.

Hey - You guys are running your 100 the same weekend I'm running Big Sur, if I'm not mistaken. I think I'll finish MY race before you finished YOURS. {snicker, snort} ;o)

mariko said...

Peter does not like any of the microbrews or "craft" beers. He drinks crap like MGD Lite or Miller High Life (the champagne of beers, mind you), the lighter the better, and he doesn't even run for miles and miles.

Gretchen said...

Anything that reminds you of being 15 and sneaking off into the woods can only be good. For myself, I had a cold glass of sauvignon blanc after an ass kicking track workout yesterday. Not typical, but it did make me feel deliciously naughty.