It may seem contradictory, but I've decided to take the day "off".
Yes, I always have Mondays off. In fact, I only work Tuesday and Friday evenings. But I've been beating the hell up out of myself for "not doing enough" with my free time because, when you aren't working 40+ hours/week as I've grown accustomed to the last 2 decades, you suddenly realize how much time is devoted to a job.
This collides with epic force with the voice in my head that lectures me how other people are constantly in a state of creating, helping, and doing overall wonderful things with their free time. In fact, I actually have an image in my brain of the more "responsible" me with shirtsleeves rolled up, typing on one of my three novels/works in progress, this squeezed in between the few hours I spent bettering the environment, only after I've delivered meals-on-wheels to several needy homes...
And the list goes on and on.
Last night, Ann and I decided that today, I would wake up "sick", and behave as such. Why? When you're sick, you CAN'T do anything, and usually don't want to. So I've caved in to the concept that I *could* be going to the bank, I *should* open one of my projects and write, but I simply *can't* today.
So I opened some mail, wrote some in my journal, turned off my phone, and have been doing fuck-all today. As a matter o' fact, it's 2:25pm, and I'm still in my pjs, a cup of coffee before me on the coffee table (how appropo).
It seems this will be a facet of my life I'll constantly need to monitor and allow myself to nurture instead of punish.
4 comments:
It took me quite a while -- quite a very long while -- to be able to do "nothing" without guilt. Keep working on it, Rustyboy. It's a most worthwhile endeavor.
Fiona aka Fotofigg
oh lordy. i don't know when or if i will ever be at that point. i can't tell what i manage to get up to all day; but it's nothing productive. sigh.
i'm reading the 7 habits... did i say reading? i meant, i read one chapter in december. and stopped after that. but there's a bookmark in it, darn it all!
I'm with you on this. I've had most of this month off, but I still feel the need to justify the time to myself.
I, unfortunately, rarely have qualms about doing nothing, although quite often it seems that doesn't happen all that much. Come from work, fix dinner, clean the kitchen, start laundry, deal with a cat issue, back to the laundry, oh forgot I have transcription to do, but what about the laundry. . . However on the days I do decide to be a bum, nothin's better than laying on the couch with a good book, some mellow muzak in the background, and a cat curled up on my belly.
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